An evil twin
So many threats, awful names, violent movements around me. It was like he had an evil twin that came out, his eyes black and hard. Always forgotten when he turned back to the man that loved me. He used words to make it all better and when he felt me slipping out of his grasp he would cry, tell me he would kill himself, that he was nothing without me.
I let him in to my life and from that moment everything I did, everything I thought, involved him. It feels strange to not have him around, like a piece of me is missing, even now that I’ve physically been away from him for six months. I sometimes wake up and feel confused, thinking, “why isn’t he lying beside me?” I hear a noise outside and expect him to come in.
I thought I saw him looking through my daughter’s window one day, it was my imagination. It was a fear that he installed in me the night he threatened to kill me and come through her bedroom window to take her. That’s the night he went too far, I left my house and ended up in the refuge.
I can not explain why I gave so much of myself to this man. I do not understand why I let our lives get so entangled. I do not know why I felt I had to make sure he had somewhere to live before I made him leave me.
What I do know is that he did not deserve any of that, the moment his words turned violent towards me, or after, when he controlled me with tears and threats of suicide. I will not forget the lesson he brought with those words, I will never let any one speak to me like that again. I will not be controlled by emotional abuse.